Swimming in Thought
by ragingscooter
Summary: Lexa goes for a swim for a little peace and a chance to reminisce.


As the leader of her people Lexa was accustomed to never having a moments of peace for herself; that is with the exception of bath time. Whether it was in the privacy of her tent with the tub that traveled everywhere she went or a quiet spot at the lake it was her time. Time where she wasn't heda, where she could let the worries of her people where left in the same pile as her stripped off clothes and armor.

Today she had cut the battle planning meeting short, she had listened to her generals argue for hours on the best strategy placement of their battalions, she had had enough. She let her guard know of her plans and he kept his distance while she stood on the sandy bank of the sun warmed lake. Lexa loosened a strap and let her commander shoulder armor fall to the ground, the removal of the literal and figurative weight was a relief that released a sigh from her mouth. She shed the rest of her clothes quickly and took a tentative step into the clear water, the water wasn't extremely cold but it was far from warm. The shivers that started at her toes made her feel alive, being commander didn't allow her many moments of feeling her own sensations, as heda it was her job to feel the pains and joys of her people and while she accepted that it was nice to just be Lexa.

As Lexa waded out into the water she listened to the silence, she loved the commotion and bustle of camp but nothing beat the sounds of a light breeze over the water. The water was up to her shoulders and Lexa dunked her head under, as she popped back up her hair weighed heavy on her head but it felt good to wash the dust and war paint off. She shook her head and her hair whipped around sending droplets of water in all directions, the ripples caused by the droplets bringing a smile to her face. It dawns on her that she is smiling more lately, even with war looming she is feeling a little lighter…she has a feeling that the girl from the sky is responsible for her more frequent smiles. It has been a long time since there had been someone that could make her heart flutter the way it did when the girl with hair as gold as the sun looked her way. Lexa laughed out loud at how her sister Penn would tease her if she could see them together. She missed Penn but with any luck they would be reunited soon in Polis as soon as the Mountain fell. She started to backstroke swim a lazy circle as she thought of her sister, Penn would love Clarke; they had a shared love of art and Penn was a great healer. Normally she would travel with the commander's counsel but Lexa had asked her to stay behind and lead in her stead, there was no one she trusted more than her sister. It was true that Penn wasn't a warrior but she always put the needs of their people above her own much to the displeasure of her bonded love, a warrior woman that loved donuts as much as she loved her sister; Lexa liked her.

Her body growing tired from treading water, Lexa made her way back to the shore to her favorite rock, it was large and flat and warmed by the sun. She stretched out on the rock and closed her eyes, letting the warmth radiate through her body. She thought of how someday maybe she would invite Clarke to join her, that maybe the sky princess would appreciate the beauty of solitude as much as she did. If there was anyone that could it would be her, she alone understood the pressures and responsibilities of being a leader before having seen twenty winters. She thought of how she would hold Clarke's hand as she led her out to the water's edge, she imagined how Clarke's eyes would light up at the pale blue of the water and how the smooth sand would feel under her feet. Yes, she would bring Clarke here one day, Clarke deserved to feel the serenity and peace that the water held.

Lexa sat up and carefully undid her meticulous braids and fanned her damp hair out on the rock as she laid back down. She thought back to the first time Anya had braided her hair, Lexa was but a girl of four when she was introduced to the nine year old girl that would one day soon train her to fight for her people but that day she was a friend of Penn's that teased her about how there were twigs in her wild mane and if she was going to play in the woods she had better tame her hair. Anya had spent over an hour showing her how to weave a tight braid that would be fitting the tiny wannabe warrior. A tear threatened at the corner of her eye but she didn't bother to wipe it away, she missed Anya. They might not have always seen eye to eye but Lexa never doubted the other woman's devotion to her. She thought back to the day that she had be told that she would one day be commander, the pride was evident in Anya's usual stoic face. She remembered how Anya calmed Penn's fears by telling her that she wouldn't let any harm come to her, not while she still had air in her lungs to breath. Lexa dreaded going back to Polis and having to tell Penn of her best friend's death. At least Penn would have Charleston to help her through her grief.

Lexa shivered as a nippy breeze caressed her naked skin bringing goosebumps to the surface. She could feel the air cool as the sun dipped down below the horizon line and Lexa knew it was time to put back on her commander's armor and go back to the real world her moment of pause was over. Time to put the war paint back on and the mask of unwavering strength that as heda she needed to wear. Somehow her clothes and armor felt heavier as she made the walk back to camp, she nodded in recognition as her people bowed in respect as she passed; she couldn't help but wonder how many would be lost in the upcoming battle, how much more blood would be on her hands, how many baths would it take to wash them clean? She shook the thoughts from her head as she spotted Clarke putting a bandage on a young child's doll, a smile on her face as the child hugged her tightly before running off. Before she had a chance to halt her own smile Clarke saw her and waved her over sending a wave of warmth through her. Just maybe love wasn't weakness.


End file.
